I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
