I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I did not marry a roomba.
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