Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
