What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
