Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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