if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
