My first STD was from a foam party
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
