come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
