maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
