I'm really into asian looking animals
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
