She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
no, he came in my armpit
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
honey bunches of taint.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
