Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
