is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
