Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
