I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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