well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
My penis needs a shock collar
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
