Who wears a wallet chain?!
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
