He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
