i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize