Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
