we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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