billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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