My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
