So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
