I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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