The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
