Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
