i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
