just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife š¬
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I feel kind of like weāre in a gang and tonight is one of those āpeople are gonna know not to fuck with usā type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. Iām not really sure how I got to this point in my lifeā¦ but I like it.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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