do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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