Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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