I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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