I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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