I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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