i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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