dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
