Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
