My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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