he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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