For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
