Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
is it fun? or sober?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
