then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
