2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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