I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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