so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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