marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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