i love accidental penises.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
