I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
