I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
