We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
