He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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