I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize