Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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