Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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