i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
