There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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