dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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