I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
