Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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