Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
