Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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