you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
