this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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