Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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