her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
