The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
