I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
