she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
