your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
