his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
