Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
