Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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