He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
