you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
