about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
