We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
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