i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
