You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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