she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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