i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
