"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
