chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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