he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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