Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize