You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
