I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
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