Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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