I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
