Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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