Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
