What a fucking waste of an outfit
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
