Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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