Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Life is so much better after having sex.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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