I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
