did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Randomize
