the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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