She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
