I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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