She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
