First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
