I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize