He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
