so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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