do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
