He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
They are going to name an STD after you.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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