i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
